Friday, November 04, 2005
I thought I had paid my debts to society by paying my overdue fines at the Multnomah county library
My life is finally all falling into place, and you know what that means for me- time to think about moving on. I'm not sure why I always feel this bruning desire to change everything just as soon as I start to get somfortable with things. I guess I like the adventure, but I alwsy stick around long enough for things to get good, to have a job I like, to have good friends, and to be familiar with a place, and then the wanderlust begins to gleam in my eye and I seem dazed and salivating for adventure again. I finally have a great group of friends, a job that I enjoy going to every day, and a city that embraces me and offers me lovely new temptations around every corner. What do I do then? I begin applying for grad schools and looking into moving to Europe.
Sometimes I forget just how hard it is to conquer a place and make it my own. I forget about the tears and lonely nights in a new place, and the isolation adventure can cause. It all fades away into the background, and all I'm left with is a desire to do it all over again. Along with every painful moment comes the thrill of discovering new restaurants, seeing new streets filled with charming things, and looking at everyone you encounter as a potential new friend.
I took the GRE yesterday, and I am well on my way to applying to grad schools in Philosophy, both here and abroad. If I don't get enough money to go to any of the fine institutions I have chosen, I have a pretty concrete plan for how to get myself over to Europe again, visa and all. Maybe the temptation of Portland will overcome me again and keep me from leaving. Once the rain has cleared and the city is showing off her glory to me, I may just be enchanted to the point of never leaving. I could stay nestled in her arms and leave the adventure to my dreams.
My life is finally all falling into place, and you know what that means for me- time to think about moving on. I'm not sure why I always feel this bruning desire to change everything just as soon as I start to get somfortable with things. I guess I like the adventure, but I alwsy stick around long enough for things to get good, to have a job I like, to have good friends, and to be familiar with a place, and then the wanderlust begins to gleam in my eye and I seem dazed and salivating for adventure again. I finally have a great group of friends, a job that I enjoy going to every day, and a city that embraces me and offers me lovely new temptations around every corner. What do I do then? I begin applying for grad schools and looking into moving to Europe.
Sometimes I forget just how hard it is to conquer a place and make it my own. I forget about the tears and lonely nights in a new place, and the isolation adventure can cause. It all fades away into the background, and all I'm left with is a desire to do it all over again. Along with every painful moment comes the thrill of discovering new restaurants, seeing new streets filled with charming things, and looking at everyone you encounter as a potential new friend.
I took the GRE yesterday, and I am well on my way to applying to grad schools in Philosophy, both here and abroad. If I don't get enough money to go to any of the fine institutions I have chosen, I have a pretty concrete plan for how to get myself over to Europe again, visa and all. Maybe the temptation of Portland will overcome me again and keep me from leaving. Once the rain has cleared and the city is showing off her glory to me, I may just be enchanted to the point of never leaving. I could stay nestled in her arms and leave the adventure to my dreams.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
and i saw momentarily, they flashed a photograph it couldn't be you
I want to get really tiny. I want to grow smaller and smaller so that I just take up a little corner of my bed and no one can see me. I want to blend into the carpet and feel slightly rough and knobby like my tan living room floor. I want to take a bath and feel my skin dissolving into little bubbles and float along the rim with the cool porcelain on my left, the air above and water below. I'll bob calmly up and down and smell of lavender. I want to be unrecognizable and walk into a bank downtown. I want to see my legs turn to smooth white marble with gray swirls and see my arms become the brass bars in front of the bank tellers. I keep waiting for my toes to slip away from the rest of my body into the dirt and drag my tiny chest into the earth where my hair will be the only visible sign left, and it will be shocking green summer grass.
I want to get really tiny. I want to grow smaller and smaller so that I just take up a little corner of my bed and no one can see me. I want to blend into the carpet and feel slightly rough and knobby like my tan living room floor. I want to take a bath and feel my skin dissolving into little bubbles and float along the rim with the cool porcelain on my left, the air above and water below. I'll bob calmly up and down and smell of lavender. I want to be unrecognizable and walk into a bank downtown. I want to see my legs turn to smooth white marble with gray swirls and see my arms become the brass bars in front of the bank tellers. I keep waiting for my toes to slip away from the rest of my body into the dirt and drag my tiny chest into the earth where my hair will be the only visible sign left, and it will be shocking green summer grass.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Your name is Sex in my Rolodex
This weekend I somehow agreed to be on the Portland Chapter Committee for the Gonzaga Alumni Association. Going to the event was a lot like being back at GU. People were preppy dressy and some people even had bulldog polos on. It was like some weird blast from the past. "I graduated back in '98. Is 814 Indiana still a big party house? Who was your landlord?" Kind of creepy in a time-warp way, but fun nonetheless. I drank shitty Coors Light in rememberance of the good old days, and traded business cards with people I have no real intention of calling. Ahh, reunions. Sometimes that seems like a whole different life even though it was only a year ago.
I went straight from that environment to a noise band at some weird unmarked building downtown dubbed Hotel. It was a long hallway with a series of locked rooms and a multitude of people in pointy glasses and vintage clothing sipping microbrews and eating donuts. The end of the night is a bit fuzzy thanks to the large amounts of drinking that continued there, but it did involve hanging out in some sort of weird coffeeshop/LAN party/art gallery in the early morning hours and coming home and baking the best cheesy biscuits the world has ever seen.
This weekend I somehow agreed to be on the Portland Chapter Committee for the Gonzaga Alumni Association. Going to the event was a lot like being back at GU. People were preppy dressy and some people even had bulldog polos on. It was like some weird blast from the past. "I graduated back in '98. Is 814 Indiana still a big party house? Who was your landlord?" Kind of creepy in a time-warp way, but fun nonetheless. I drank shitty Coors Light in rememberance of the good old days, and traded business cards with people I have no real intention of calling. Ahh, reunions. Sometimes that seems like a whole different life even though it was only a year ago.
I went straight from that environment to a noise band at some weird unmarked building downtown dubbed Hotel. It was a long hallway with a series of locked rooms and a multitude of people in pointy glasses and vintage clothing sipping microbrews and eating donuts. The end of the night is a bit fuzzy thanks to the large amounts of drinking that continued there, but it did involve hanging out in some sort of weird coffeeshop/LAN party/art gallery in the early morning hours and coming home and baking the best cheesy biscuits the world has ever seen.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Trix aren't just for kids, I love your wicked ways.
I'm in the middle of crushy bliss. I think summer time makes people feel reaffirmed. Goals seem within reach, and it always seems like a good time for a life overhaul. I started running and I've been dancing all the time. I've been taking naps in the park and reading on the porch (which I decorated with potted plants and wind chimes and fake birds and things that spin in the wind). The sun makes me feel like I'm on summer vacation. I feel like taking a road trip or having a barbecue. I had begun to think that Portland was going to disappoint me when it was still raining last month and I was wearing sweaters and courduroys to work, but my lovely has come through for me. This weekend was one of those great times when everyone seems to call you in rapid succession with a million tempting and free things to do. While you're at your coworker's party, a friend calls with comp tickets to his play, someone suggests going to a movie, where you run into a friend you've been meaning to call for awhile who tells you about this awesome dance concert and from there you meet some new kids who want to show you this cool art exhibit. You know what kind of weekend I'm talking about, right? The kind of summery "what's-going-on-over-here" action-filled, sunkissed adventures. What a great time of year.
I'm in the middle of crushy bliss. I think summer time makes people feel reaffirmed. Goals seem within reach, and it always seems like a good time for a life overhaul. I started running and I've been dancing all the time. I've been taking naps in the park and reading on the porch (which I decorated with potted plants and wind chimes and fake birds and things that spin in the wind). The sun makes me feel like I'm on summer vacation. I feel like taking a road trip or having a barbecue. I had begun to think that Portland was going to disappoint me when it was still raining last month and I was wearing sweaters and courduroys to work, but my lovely has come through for me. This weekend was one of those great times when everyone seems to call you in rapid succession with a million tempting and free things to do. While you're at your coworker's party, a friend calls with comp tickets to his play, someone suggests going to a movie, where you run into a friend you've been meaning to call for awhile who tells you about this awesome dance concert and from there you meet some new kids who want to show you this cool art exhibit. You know what kind of weekend I'm talking about, right? The kind of summery "what's-going-on-over-here" action-filled, sunkissed adventures. What a great time of year.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
It's a small world after all
I have found the job of my dreams. This is my second week at AFS Intercultural Programs, where I am a community development specialist in charge of finding homes for international exchange students in Kansas. I’ve made tons of calls to little towns like Olathe and Leawood, and may I just say that Kansans are so nice! The rudest call I’ve dealt with is a person who said, “I don’t think I can help you out there, hon, but thank you for calling!”
In other news, I have been taking tango lessons, moving into a new place, and last night I discovered a little wonderland in a park with rides and a roller rink. I rollered all night long, trying to keep up with the 8 year olds whose balance was much better than mine (perhaps because they are so much closer to the ground?). Tonight is my first night of women’s rugby practice, and I am finding myself getting more and more nervous as the time approaches to take the bus home, change, and go run around in a field and get my ass kicked. We’ll see how long this hobby actually lasts. I should get back to work now.
I have found the job of my dreams. This is my second week at AFS Intercultural Programs, where I am a community development specialist in charge of finding homes for international exchange students in Kansas. I’ve made tons of calls to little towns like Olathe and Leawood, and may I just say that Kansans are so nice! The rudest call I’ve dealt with is a person who said, “I don’t think I can help you out there, hon, but thank you for calling!”
In other news, I have been taking tango lessons, moving into a new place, and last night I discovered a little wonderland in a park with rides and a roller rink. I rollered all night long, trying to keep up with the 8 year olds whose balance was much better than mine (perhaps because they are so much closer to the ground?). Tonight is my first night of women’s rugby practice, and I am finding myself getting more and more nervous as the time approaches to take the bus home, change, and go run around in a field and get my ass kicked. We’ll see how long this hobby actually lasts. I should get back to work now.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Spring-load your eyeleashes, throw glitter on your stockings
So much has happened. Allow me to list:
1. I quit my horrid job. On my last day I made a large poster on Home Depot-issued orange discount tagboard that said "FUCK THE HOME DEPOT" and had my co-worker take pictures of me beaming and holding it high above my head in front of "Washington's Home Improvement Warehouse." They say, you can do it, we can help. I say, "Ha ha suckas! I'm FREEE!"
2. The day after I quit, I drove to Spokane where I met up with Matt and embarked on a frivolous road trip to Minneapolis. We got drunk in a hotel room in Rapid City, South Dakota, and made a stop at Wall Drug to take our pictures beide cement dinosaurs and 6 feet tall rabbits. We hung out there for a week and went to all of his favorite bars, saw all of his friends, strolled around campus, ate at fabulous restaurants, saw the sights, and rode the rides for free at the Mall of America.
3. I took a 28 hour train adventure to Spokane and saw more flat land of North Dakota than I would ever need to see in my life. I stayed the weekend there to help Elizabeth and Keith move in exchange for yummy breakfasts at the Old European pancake house and visits to my old art gallery.
4. I drove home in time for an interview which I will hear back from Monday. In the mean time, a friend of mine offered me a position making crepes at a cute little stand, and I've researched getting a booth at the Saturday market to sell my greeting cards. If I could make a living at that, my life would be completely kickass.
5. Thursday night I got all dolled up in my finest 40's attire (plum-stitched heels, lilac pearls, a killer black halter dress, ringlets, cherry red lips and a black feather in my hair) and went to a burlesque show. There were cute men in fishnets and stilettos, body piercings, ladies in lingerie, comedy, and singing galore. It was a riotous time. Whenever I met someone new, they would ask me what I did for a living. I would simply respond, "It's a full time job being this fabulous, darling!"
So much has happened. Allow me to list:
1. I quit my horrid job. On my last day I made a large poster on Home Depot-issued orange discount tagboard that said "FUCK THE HOME DEPOT" and had my co-worker take pictures of me beaming and holding it high above my head in front of "Washington's Home Improvement Warehouse." They say, you can do it, we can help. I say, "Ha ha suckas! I'm FREEE!"
2. The day after I quit, I drove to Spokane where I met up with Matt and embarked on a frivolous road trip to Minneapolis. We got drunk in a hotel room in Rapid City, South Dakota, and made a stop at Wall Drug to take our pictures beide cement dinosaurs and 6 feet tall rabbits. We hung out there for a week and went to all of his favorite bars, saw all of his friends, strolled around campus, ate at fabulous restaurants, saw the sights, and rode the rides for free at the Mall of America.
3. I took a 28 hour train adventure to Spokane and saw more flat land of North Dakota than I would ever need to see in my life. I stayed the weekend there to help Elizabeth and Keith move in exchange for yummy breakfasts at the Old European pancake house and visits to my old art gallery.
4. I drove home in time for an interview which I will hear back from Monday. In the mean time, a friend of mine offered me a position making crepes at a cute little stand, and I've researched getting a booth at the Saturday market to sell my greeting cards. If I could make a living at that, my life would be completely kickass.
5. Thursday night I got all dolled up in my finest 40's attire (plum-stitched heels, lilac pearls, a killer black halter dress, ringlets, cherry red lips and a black feather in my hair) and went to a burlesque show. There were cute men in fishnets and stilettos, body piercings, ladies in lingerie, comedy, and singing galore. It was a riotous time. Whenever I met someone new, they would ask me what I did for a living. I would simply respond, "It's a full time job being this fabulous, darling!"
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Where whisky drowns and beer chases my blues away
I just spent a thrilling 5 days in Wyoming and Nebraska. Flat country, severe winds, dust storms, and vast brown wasteland. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. I DID see a friend's ranch in Cheyenne while I was there. She gave me a talking tour over the phone as I walked around and explored the barn and the creek by the cabin adjacent to her beautiful house (which I let myself into and also toured). No one seemed alarmed in the slightest that some strange girl was wandering around with her cell phone walking into buildings all over a ranch that was located at the end of a dirt road well off the highway. That kind of attitude sums up both those states I think.
Last night we celebrated my friend Michelle's birthday by getting wasted and having some good old fashioned karaoke. Tonight the fun continues with more drunken tomfoolery. Then Monday marks the beginning of a glorious 3 weeks of working in Portland during which time I intend to get a new job. My searching will begin in earnest on Monday. I sat next to this awesome man on the plane on the way home from Denver on Friday and he gave me some great job-finding pointers plus a lot of much-needed encouragement. The horizon was beginning to look bleak, but I feel renewed. Sometimes I think there are strangers placed into our lives at exactly the right moments to help us out. I never even got this man's name, and we were quickly separated when we were deboarding the plane, and although I looked he was nowhere to be found. Angels? Ghosts? Mere kindly strangers? We'll never know, but thank goodness they are there.
I just spent a thrilling 5 days in Wyoming and Nebraska. Flat country, severe winds, dust storms, and vast brown wasteland. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. I DID see a friend's ranch in Cheyenne while I was there. She gave me a talking tour over the phone as I walked around and explored the barn and the creek by the cabin adjacent to her beautiful house (which I let myself into and also toured). No one seemed alarmed in the slightest that some strange girl was wandering around with her cell phone walking into buildings all over a ranch that was located at the end of a dirt road well off the highway. That kind of attitude sums up both those states I think.
Last night we celebrated my friend Michelle's birthday by getting wasted and having some good old fashioned karaoke. Tonight the fun continues with more drunken tomfoolery. Then Monday marks the beginning of a glorious 3 weeks of working in Portland during which time I intend to get a new job. My searching will begin in earnest on Monday. I sat next to this awesome man on the plane on the way home from Denver on Friday and he gave me some great job-finding pointers plus a lot of much-needed encouragement. The horizon was beginning to look bleak, but I feel renewed. Sometimes I think there are strangers placed into our lives at exactly the right moments to help us out. I never even got this man's name, and we were quickly separated when we were deboarding the plane, and although I looked he was nowhere to be found. Angels? Ghosts? Mere kindly strangers? We'll never know, but thank goodness they are there.
